America In Mourning

Tragic Resignation Of Towering Moral Standard Weiner Leaves Us Wondering If We Will Be Able To Find A Comparable Candidate To Replace Him

he abrupt resignation of Congressional leader Tony Weiner has left the nation in sadness at the loss of such a potent leader. With so many good, decent, freedom loving individuals to choose from, many political strategists are deeply concerned they won't be able to find a candidate who is sleazy enough to replace the Democratic politician. Indeed, with so many sex offenders already incarcerated, which unfortunately precludes their legal candidacy, Democratic leaders are scurrying about the nation in hopes of finding someone perverse enough to fill Weiner's shoes.

Indeed, unconfirmed reports say potential candidates are sending in photos of themselves via cell phones at a sharply escalating rate, but unfortunately, it looks as though none are quite disgusting enough to be considered seriously.

Rumors abound on the beltway that a search committee has been formed by former President Bill Clinton, who has already appointed several nice young interns to assist his efforts. There was a glimmer of hope when we heard that a couple of defrocked state governors expressed an interest. New Jersey's James McGreevey (who was caught having sex with a man assigned to him from Homeland Security), and Oregon's ex governor Neil Goldschmidt (who had sex with his 14 year baby sitter), both expressed an interest in Weiner's seat, as they've been unemployed since their sex scandals. Unfortunately, it turns out there are these unfortunate residency requirements as the candidate needs to reside in the right place.

In fact, the most promising candidates come from some remote foreign land called Gommorha but, as non-citizens and non-residents of Weiner's district, are ineligible. Undaunted by such obstacles, we've heard a White House task force is looking into ways a non-citizen/resident could be quietly moved into the Democratic candidacy through some sort of forged documents. However, the prognosis is poor.

There is a distinct possibility we might be forced to suffer through a full term of a boring, God-fearing, American citizen, who espouses those old fashioned values of God and country. No wonder the nation is in mourning.

For a glimpse into just how far America is prophesied to descend at the end of the age, see the video on the book BLOOD BEAST OF BABYLON.